How to Get a Date
by Nightmares Walk
Summary: Pip is low on cash and he wants more. Instead of driving the rates up on Integra, he decides to make a movie on how to get a date, thinking himself a ladies' man. With the help of his cameraman, he's in business. Rated T for language and pervetedness.
1. Chapter 1

How to Get a Date

I don't own Hellsing. It belongs to Kouta Hirano.

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Pip grabbed a liter bottle of beer from the convenient store cooler before he walked to the cash register, digging around for his wallet in his pants' pocket. He pulled it out and looked inside. A neatly folded twenty Pound note was nestled within the folds of his wallet. And that was it. Payday wasn't for another two days, and that was the only money he had left.

He could survive until then, couldn't he?

The convenient store clerk scanned the beer and put it in a brown paper bag.

"That'll be five pounds." He growled before snatching up the twenty pounds that Pip offered.

He gave Pip his change, and he strode out of the store into the crisp night air, walking along the sidewalk to return to the Hellsing manor. Cold wind stung his face, and he pulled his scarf up to his nose as he walked.

_Merde! I really need more money! _He thought, walking around the small groups of people that clustered in the middle of the sidewalk.

_But 'ow am I going to get zis money? I can't drive up ze rates for ze Wild Geese. Integra would get zat monster Alucard to kill us all…_

Suddenly, an idea hit him.

_I can sell one of zose 'ow to videos! 'Ow to what, zough? _

He saw two women walking past him, talking and giggling.

_Zat's it! "'Ow to Get a Date!" I just need a cameraman, and I'll be in business! But who will my cameraman be?_

Pip went through a number of possibilities in his head. Although Alucard could probably get the best shots, it would be weird and scary to ask him. Walter was also out of the question. Integra depended heavily on him, and he probably wouldn't be able to get time off. The Wild Geese would probably make snide comments on the side, but he could make them shut up. Or he could ask Seras… and get slapped when she found out what he was doing.

So it would be the Wild Geese, then.

Pip came across the back entrance to the Hellsing estate, and as necessary, showed his identification card.

The man let out a grunt of approval, letting Pip inside.

Pip stepped into the doorway, appearing on the other side into a backroom with nothing but a small wooden table and three chairs and a couple of wooden crates.

Five men sat around the table, drinking beer, playing poker, and smoking cigars and cigarettes.

One man caught his interest, the perfect cameraman.

He was sitting in the back corner by the door, angling a piece of paper he was reading towards the light. Maybe it was a letter from his family. If his memory served him correctly, it was Ferdinand "Fred" Gonzalez, a quiet man who chose the path of a mercenary to support his family in Colombia. A wife and a daughter. How old was his kid? Five? Or was it six?

Ferdinand gazed at the letter with his dark brown eyes, lips forming the words, but he didn't say anything. He paused in his reading to smooth down his tousled black hair with a tanned hand.

"'Ey, Fred." Pip said, walking his way towards him.

Fred looked up from his letter, small smile forming on his lips.

"¿Si, Señor Pip?"

"I've got an idea for us to make money." Pip replied, opening the bottle of beer in his paper bag.

"Dios mio. What is your idea, señor?"

"I'm going to make one of zose 'ow to videos. I'm going to buy a camera when I get my paycheck. You in?" Pip held out his right hand, taking a swig of beer with his left.

Ferdinand thought about it for a minute or so, arching black eyebrows furrowed in thought. He finally gave his answer.

"I'm in." He nodded, shaking Pip's hand.

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And so the adventure begins! I promise that the next chapters will be longer than this, so think of this as the prologue. Review, please!


	2. Chapter 2

How to Get a Date

I don't own Hellsing. It belongs to Kouta Hirano.

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Sure enough, when payday rolled around, Pip bought a slim video camera and gave it to Ferdinand.

"You know 'ow to work one of zese, Fred?" Pip asked, handing the camera to Fred.

"Si, Pip. How are we going to start this?"

"Well, I guess we've got to make an introduction first, non?"

In the end, they decided to film near Tower Bridge, a landmark of London.

Pip hooked himself up to the wireless microphone, placing it on the lapel of the white suit he had decided to wear. It was a quiet day, there was barely any wind to whip his braid about, and the filthy brown water flowed smoothly under the bridge.

Pip smiled in a friendly sort of manner as Ferdinand started the count down, motioning with his fingers.

_Five… four…_

Pip swallowed down the lump that was forming in his throat.

_Two… one… OK!_

"'Ello zere! If you are watching zis video, zen zat means you're probably 'aving trouble with ze ladies! Zis video can fix zat easily as we go zrough all of ze steps to get you a date! First, I shall demonstrate charm on a randomly chosen woman, and you can just watch from zere!" Pip waited for about a second. "Cut!"

Ferdinand turned off the camera, folding in the small screen on the side.

"So we have to go looking for the señoritas?"

"Oui. Not 'elp me find one out of ze crowd. I swear, all of ze women in London are as ugly as sin."

"How about that one?" Ferdinand asked, pointing to a woman probably in her early twenties. She would have been perfect if it wasn't for the nose on her face that reminded Pip of a hawk.

"Non. I want to go after zat one." Pip replied, pointing to another woman wearing a white sundress. She had a perfect figure, perfect features, perfect blond hair.

"Señor, she is married." Ferdinand replied, pointing to the gold wedding band on her ring finger.

"I could be just for show. Now get zat camera rolling."

Ferdinand rolled his eyes as he got the camera ready, focusing it on Pip.

"Now ze _fine _example of a woman in ze white sundress behind me is about to be exposed to my charm. Zis, my love-deprived gentlemen, is 'ow you get a date."

The camera was on Pip as he strolled over to the woman, who was reading a novel.

"Bonjour, mon chéri."

The woman looked up at him, frowning slightly.

"Did you know zat French is ze language of love? I could speak it to you all night."

"Excuse me? Do you not see this ring on my finger, you bloody wanker? I am MARRIED!"

Ferdinand chuckled in amusement as the woman took her novel and began to beat Pip with it. He threw his arms over his head to shield himself as he ran back towards the camera.

"Did I say zat was how you get a date? Zat is how you _don't_ get a date! Rule number one: Don't ask ze married women!"

"Rules, Señor Pip?" Ferdinand asked, raising an eyebrow, keeping the camera lens on Pip.

"Oui! I'm glad I you reminded me, Fred! Zere are rules you have to follow when trying to get a date! Rule number two is to not use pickup lines! Allow me to demonstrate!"

Pip scanned the park until his green eye landed on a sight-seeing tour.

There was a foxy lady with auburn hair and dark blue eyes wearing tight jeans and a slim-fit T-shirt.

"'Ow 'bout zat one?" Pip asked, pointing. "You see a ring on 'er?"

"No, Pip." Ferdinand replied, a smirk forming at the corners of his lips.

If only the other Wild Geese could see this.

Pip walked over to the woman, trying to seem casual.

He held her hand, brought it to his lips, and kissed it.

"My love for you is like a red, red rose." Pip swallowed slightly, trying to get over his accent for the next part. "And I am feeling a little _thorny._"

The reply could be heard through the microphone Pip was wearing.

"Was? Ich verstehe nicht." (What? I do not understand.)

Ferdinand grinned.

This woman Pip was trying to hit on couldn't even speak English.

Pip then noticed the name of the tour group: _Drachefeuer Bereist _(Dragon Fire Tours)_._ A German tour group.

Pip grumbled something unintelligible before. Heading back towards Ferdinand.

"Rule number two: Make sure she speaks your language. I'm going to try ze pickup line rule again."

Pip once again scanned the park before he found an attractive dark-skinned woman with black hair and dark brown eyes. She wore a black tank top, slightly baggy South Pole jeans, and black Vans. In essence, stereotypical.

Pip sighed inwardly. Why did this one have to look like a wannabe gangster?

He walked over to her, trying to seem enthusiastic.

"If I told you zat you have a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?"

The response was even better than what Ferdinand could have ever hoped for.

Her arm swung violently, and her fist smacked right into Pip's face, making him stumble backwards.

Ferdinand laughed, shaking the camera violently as tears came to his eyes and rolled down his cheeks.

"Fred! Don't just stand zere! 'Elp me!" Pip cried, trowing up his arms over his face to deflect more punches, but what he got was a well-placed kick where the sun don't shine.

"Merde!"

"That's right, Frenchie! You make any more moves at me, you'll be singin' soprano for a week. You got it?" The woman fumed.

Pip dropped to the ground in the fetal position and began to roll around in the grass, wincing and cursing in French.

Ferdinand couldn't stop the laughter that barreled out of him as he watched Pip roll around. This was even better than when he got flicked around by Seras.

"But Pip! I don't want to break the camera!" He lied.

"Fuck ze camera!" Pip squealed.

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It's fun to write pickup lines into stories. :D It was fun to write this chapter. Review, please!


	3. Chapter 3

How to Get a Date

I don't own Hellsing. It belongs to Kouta Hirano.

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Ferdinand was eventually able to pull off the woman mauling Pip, who decided it would be a good idea to kick him while he was down.

The woman angrily stomped away while Pip groaned in the grass. He rolled from his position onto his stomach to onto his back.

Ferdinand cringed.

Pip's face was swollen, blood was trickling down his nose and out of his mouth, his suit was torn, and there were probably several bruises forming on him already.

"Dios mio! Are you alright, señor?" He asked, worried, holding out a hand for Pip.

Pip gratefully took it, hauling himself off of the ground, hobbling slightly.

"I zink I'm okay… I just need to find another woman…" He slurred, limping towards a nearby woman walking her dog, purse tucked neatly under her arm.

"No, Pip, you'll scare her!" Ferdinand warned, putting his hand on Pip's shoulder.

Pip shrugged off Ferdinand's shoulder and continued to walk towards the woman. He tapped her on the shoulder.

The woman's eyes widened, and in one swift motion, she pulled pepper spray out of her bag and released it on Pip.

"MERDE! MY EYE!" Pip screamed, rolling around on the ground.

"Señor!" Exclaimed Ferdinand, running to Pip's side as the woman ran away.

"Merde! It 'urts so much, Fred!"

"Si, señor." Ferdinand put the camera in a case that went around his wrist before picking Pip up, carrying him bridal-style.

"You're a good friend, Fred." Pip said, trying to rub the pepper spray off his face with his arms.

XOXO

It took Pip a week to recover from the beating he received, and his bruises were now only pale splotches on his skin. The swelling on his face was down a considerable bit, and his cheeks were only slightly puffy as he held an icepack to his face. The pepper spray gave no permanent damage, and the rash that followed cleared up after a couple of days.

Pip almost looked normal. He held another icepack to his cheeks as he lay in his bed. Ferdinand sat in a chair pulled up at his bed side.

"I'm goin' to try again." Pip said, rolling his green eye towards Ferdinand.

"But Pip!" Ferdinand protested.

"Non. Let me finish." He took a deep breath. "It seems that I slightly overestimated my charm, and I'm going to go ask for advice."

"Advice? From who, señor?" Ferdinand arched an eyebrow, a line creasing his forehead.

"Alucard."

Ferdinand crossed himself after Pip spoke his name.

"You're going to get help from a _vampiro_?" Ferdinand asked incredulously.

"Oui."

"Why ask him?"

"Because I did a little bit of reading on 'im. When 'e was Dracula, 'e 'ad several women living in 'is castle wiz 'im."

"Usted es insensate (You're foolish.). What makes you think he will help you?"

"Because your case is amusing enough to get my attention." A smooth voice replied.

Pip and Ferdinand turned to the direction of the voice to see Alucard himself phasing through the wall.

"What is it that you humans are doing again?" He asked, looking down at Pip, his red eyes smoldering beneath his glasses.

"Uh, um we were making zis video t get more money," Pip stammered.

"And this video was on how to win the hearts of women?" Alucard finished, with a grin.

Ferdinand just couldn't help but notice how long his fangs were.

"Oui, monsieur."

Alucard pulled a chair from the nearby table for himself, looking regal as he sat in it.

"Women these days are different than the women I had the pleasure of courting. They're more rude, more vulgar, more outspoken, and have no class."

"You make zem sound like ze most repulsive zings in ze world." Pip replied, frowning.

"They're not. The men are worse."

Pip made a sour expression, but Alucard ignored it.

"Anyways, to get a woman, a man needs to have class. How are you trying to get with the ladies?"

"I'm using my charm--" Ferdinand coughed "--along with pickup lines."

"_Pickup lines?_ You're approaching this all wrong. Do you just go up to a random one?"

"Oui."

"You have to get to know them first, then make your move. Don't just force yourself on them."

"Oui. Is zere anyzing else?"

"Not unless you want to give me some blood."

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Sorry that this chapter's kinda short. I had a writer's block on this story. ^^; Review, please!


	4. Chapter 4

How to Get a Date

I don't own Hellsing. It belongs to Kouta Hirano.

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After Alucard left, Pip began to think over what he had said.

"Y'know, Fred, I'm beginning to doubt zat what Alucard said would be workable for our video."

"Si. It will take too long, unless you already know someone here."

"Well, zere are always ze 'ores down at ze brozel."

"I thought you told us that they're ugly, señor."

"But perhaps zey'll have to do, unless…"

------

"Seraaaas! Seras! Open up in zere!" Pip exclaimed, knocking on the door with one hand and hiding something behind his back with the other.

A very pissed-off looking Seras opened the door, still in her pink-striped pajamas.

"This had better be important for you to wake me up so early in the day." She growled, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

"Oui!" Pip grinned, using the hidden hand to pull out a bouquet of six red roses mixed with white babies' breath, presenting them to her.

Her mood lightened in an instant.

"Oh, wow, they're beautiful!" Seras breathed, taking the bouquet in her hands.

"Zey're not as beautiful as you." Pip replied smoothly, looking into Seras' blue eyes.

A hint of a blush bloomed across Seras' cheeks.

"Thank you, Pip." Seras smiled, giving Pip a hug.

She broke away from the embrace first.

"I really need to get some more sleep, though. Master usually works me into a right mess during training."

"Bonne nuit, mon amour." (Good night, my love.)

Seras smiled, shutting her bedroom door.

Pip walked down the hallway, towards the hidden camera, picking it up and playing back what he had recorded.

So the experiment worked.

Seras' image was a tiny bit grainy (nothing a little bit of re-touching could fix) and her voice was recorded perfectly.

Blood was a factor in the turning process. Since Seras didn't drink human blood, her image showed up on film.

Pip was rather pleased with himself.

"When I spoke of you getting to know someone, I did not mean my fledgling."

Pip's blood ran cold as he turned, seeing Alucard loom over him.

"Uh… B-bonjour, monsieur Alucard."

"Don't give me that, Frenchman." Alucard's upper lip curled into a snarl.

Pip's eyes grew wide as the vampire's fangs were exposed, looking like they were just about to tear into his skin.

"If you hurt my fledgling in any way, I will personally end your existence, human."

Pip gulped down air to calm his wildly beating heart as Alucard phased through the floor, the red eyes boring into his very soul.

When Pip thought that he was gone, he picked up the camera and ran to find Fred.

------

Ferdinand was trying to get a nap in. He lay on his soft bed, the sheets tucked up to his neck as he began to drift into the oblivion of sleep.

_BAM!_

"Fred!"

Ferdinand snorted awake, sitting up quickly in his bed as Pip ran over to him, green eyes wild.

"What is it, señor?! Are we under attack?!"

"Non! I got great footage for ze video!"

Fred's right eye twitched.

"¡POR QUE EL INFIERNO DESPERTARIA ME USTED ARRIBA PARA ESO!" (WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU WAKE ME UP FOR THAT!) He exclaimed in rapid Spanish, throwing his boots at Pip.

Pip managed to stumble out of the door, shutting it behind him before something hard hit the wood on the other side.

_Note to self: _Pip thought, slumping against the doorframe. _Never wake up Fred unless it's an emergency._

He let out a sigh before digging around in his pockets for a cigarette pack.

"I really need zis." He said, heading outside to light up.

Pip thought he could barely hear laughter coming from the basement below him.

"Se taire." (Shut up.) Pip muttered, lighting up his cigarette.

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This will be interesting. What does Pip have in store for Seras? I ain't telling you. Anyhoo, review, please!


	5. Chapter 5

How to Get a Date

I don't own Hellsing. It belongs to Kouta Hirano.

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It was training practice, and the Wild Geese were practicing on their aim, trying to get fatal shots on the cardboard cut-outs from farther and farther away.

Pip was next to Seras, who was loading an incendiary round into the Harkonnen.

"Seras?" He asked, reloading his magnum.

"Yes?" She asked, smiling warmly.

"Well, I was wondering if I could take you out to dinner later?"

"Oh, Pip, I, uh…" She trailed off, aiming the Harkonnen towards a target that Pip couldn't make out in the darkness.

"I can understand if you don't want to! It's just zat it's a nice night, non?" He fired at a cut-out of a man in a Nazi uniform.

"Um… If Master hasn't got anything after this… But aren't all of the restaurants closed at this time?"

"Zat's ridiculous! Not all of zem are closed at zis time!" Pip said, more to himself.

"Just the ones that need reservations." Seras said wistfully.

Pip filed that little tidbit of information away for now. He could clearly hear the longing in her voice.

"Zen 'ow about a movie?"

"Um…"

Before Seras could finish, Alucard appeared, silent as a shadow among the men, startling quite a few.

"Police girl. We have training to do. As for you, Captain." Alucard turned towards Pip, a look of disdain upon his face. "It would be a good idea to not mix work and pleasure." It sounded like a threat coming from the vampire's lips.

"Oui, monsieur Alucard." Pip replied.

And with that, Alucard stalked away, the ever-faithful Seras following right behind him.

------

Whatever training that Alucard was doing with Seras, he hoped it wouldn't take much longer. He was hoping to get Seras to a midnight screening of some chick-flick he would bet money on that she would like. The hands of the clock kept getting closer and closer to twelve… Pip bit his lip in anticipation, just hoping that Alucard would let her out for the night.

Pip began pacing, eyes darting around, searching for her.

Finally she came, tired and worn out, and… bleeding?

She must have gotten a good whooping today.

"Seras. I take it zat you're not in ze mood to go to a movie?"

"No." She growled, swinging her door open.

"'Ow about tomorrow?"

Seras slammed the door behind her.

Frustrated, Pip took the camera out of its hiding place and looked into the lens.

"Check your loved one's mood before you ask."

And with that, he turned off the camera.

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Sorry for not updating last week. Blame my mom. Sorry this chapter's kinda short. Anyhoo, I hope that you liked it.


	6. Chapter 6

How to Get a Date

I don't own Hellsing. It belongs to Kouta Hirano.

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The next day, Pip couldn't believe his luck. The whole day, he floated through the hallways as if he was on a cloud.

Alucard was off on a mission, and Seras would be all his. As soon as sundown came, he picked up the camera. He trained it on himself.

"Zere are many ways to impress a women. Wine 'er. Dine 'er. Be sensitive. Today, I will be taking Sera out to a chick flick." He put on a jacket, sticking the camera in a pocket.

He knocked on Seras's door, all primed and ready to go to the theater.

"Mon amour!" Pip greeted when Seras stood in the doorway.

"Hello, Pip."

"Mon amour, would you like to go see a movie wiz me?" He rose his eyebrows twice in quick succession.

"I can't tonight. Integra has me on standby while Master is gone."

"Iz zat so?" Pip cringed.

Fuck shit, then.

"But 'ow about tomorrow, zen?" Pip inquired.

He WOULD NOT be continued to be foiled. He needed the money! He needed the video! He needed Seras to cooperate! If this didn't work, he'd be forced to take drastic measures.

"Maybe." Seras replied. She was silent for a moment. "It's just that… Oh, never mind."

"Quoi, mon amour?" Pip inquired.

Seras decided to unload on him.

"It's just that… It's getting harder and harder to stay human… Well, human-ish, anyway. I mean, human food hurts when I swallow it, and when I'm on the field, the scent of blood makes me thirsty." She paused. "And I'm not sure if I'd be able to have a real relationship with you. I'm really sorry, Pip."

Her blue eyes were cast to the tiled floor, a frown on her face.

"'Ey. Police Girl."

Seras looked up at Pip from under her lashes.

"You're gonna be okay." Pip held her shoulders at arm's width; offering his gesture of comfort. "Just because you ain't human doesn't mean a zing to me. Not a damn _zing_."

Tears threatened to spill out of Seras's eyes, and her eyes got glassy as she stared into Pip's emerald gaze.

"We are going to go out tomorrow, and we are going to 'ave ze best fucking time in ze world. Got it?"

Seras nodded, grinning.

"Thank you, Pip." She said quietly, pulling the captain into an embrace.

Pip smiled into Seras's golden hair, wrapping his own arms around her.

This was the closest he had ever felt to Seras. Surely, once he had submitted his video, he would continue to get closer.

------

"Fred! Fred! Oh, Fred, Fred, Fred!" Pip opened his companion's door and practically floated through, shutting the door behind him.

"I am in love, and it feels so, so magnifique!" He exhaled in a monumental sigh as he plopped down in a chair by Fred's bed.

"Love is a beautiful thing, Señor. I remember how I felt when I first met my wife. She was-- and still is--hermosa (beautiful)! She sends my heart en llamas (ablaze)!"

Pip nodded, listening to Fred's poeticism, little tendrils of Spanish that floated through his ears like gentle music.

However, the nagging fact that Seras was a vampire remained. Seras would outlive him, his chances of becoming a creature of the night had already passed him a long time ago. And Seras would remain young forever while his earthly body would age and become decrepit.

And after he died, Seras would remain. Untouched by time and utterly alone through the rest of her existence, waiting for a violent act that would finally end her.

It was depressing. Pip tried to think of something more positive--anything, but he could not ignore the facts that were plaguing him.

"Ya know, Fred, I zink I'm goin' to go out for a beer. Do you want to join me?" He asked, interrupting Fred's little rant.

"Si, Señor. I would very much like to do that." Fred smiled.

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I'm alive! Sorry about the insanely long pause. It's been what, four months? It was a mix of writer's block, groundings, and just being busy in general. Anyhoo, hoped you liked this chapter. It's kinda fluffy, ain't it? Review, please!


	7. Chapter 7

How to Get a Date

I don't own Hellsing. It belongs to Kouta Hirano.

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Seras and Pip walked together down the rain-covered streets of London, sheltered from the cold downpour only by the big, red umbrella Pip clutched in his hand. The wind was cold and bitter, chilling Pip to the bone. Seras seemed unaffected. She felt no discomfort in her T-shirt and jeans.

They walked quickly to the theater, waiting in the ticket line.

"What movie did you want to watch, Seras?" He asked, shutting his umbrella under the canopy.

Seras scanned the line of movie titles, her bright blue eyes alighting on one particular movie.

"How about 'The Matrix'?" Seras asked.

Pip was extremely relieved. He thought he'd have to sit through a two-hour chick-flick.

"Sure zing, mon ami." Pip grinned, digging through his wallet for the money as they approached the ticket counter.

"Two adults for The Matrix, please."

"That'll be eight pounds." The man behind the counter replied, a worn smile plastered on his face.

That only left Pip with twelve pounds.

He pushed the money through the slot at the bottom of the plexi-glass, and the movie tickets were given in the same way.

Pip and Seras walked together into the comfortably warm lobby. He eyed the long lines for concessions.

"Do you want any snacks?"

XOXO

Fred had an idea. A wonderful, crazy idea. They had about an hour worth of footage on the video camera, and he _could _just use the footage of Pip getting beaten up and rejected.

Fred was warming up to this idea more and more. After all, he had some connections in London that could hook him up with a film editor. If this footage got the right amount of attention, it could fetch a good amount of money to their cause.

Grinning, he picked up the phone next to his bed and fished his wallet out of his pocket. It had a picture of him with his wife and daughter, money, and business cards and scraps of paper with important phone numbers on them. He sifted through the phone numbers until he came across a worn, yellowed business card.

_Jason Greene  
__Video Editor and Photographer  
__Core Digital Ltd.  
__(020) 7240-4052  
__41 Shelton Street, London_

Fred punched in the number before putting the card back in his wallet.

The phone rang a couple of times.

"This is Core Digital, how may I help you?" A perky female voice chirped.

"Is Jason Greene there?" He asked.

"One moment, please."

Fred was put on hold, the music beginning to play.

_"When marimba rhythm starts to play  
Dance with me, make me sway  
Like a lazy ocean hugs the shore  
Hold me close, sway me more_

_Like a flower bending in the breeze  
Bend with me, sway with ease  
When we dance, you have a way with me  
Stay with me, sway with me…"_

Fred let out a small snicker. The song was so contradictory to the video he was about to send in. At that moment, there was a click.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Jason, it's Ferdinand. Do you remember me?"

"Fred! It's been a while. I see you haven't settled down."

"I can't. Not yet. Anyways, can you do a favor for me, por favor?"

"Sure thing. What can I do ya for?"

"I need you to edit this video for me. You know, clean it up, make it bonito."

"Sure thing. Bring it to me at seven. I have free time then."

* * *

Fred wouldn't send in an incomplete video, would he? Yeah, he probably would. Sorry about the delay. Not in a very Hellsing mood. Review, please!


	8. Chapter 8

How to Get a Date

I don't own Hellsing. It belongs to Kouta Hirano.

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To Fred, it seemed that time had slowed to a crawl, and that it took an eternity before he had to make his way to the studio. When he appeared, Jason was lounging around the entrance, casually taking a long drag of his cigarette before letting all of the smoke out in big, wispy tendrils.

Jason looked different from how Fred remembered him. His hairline was beginning to recede, and gray discolored his black curls, giving it a salt-and-pepper sort of look. He had also gotten a smidge larger, but he wasn't fat.

Jason folded an arm over his chest, trying to keep warm in the cold air from under his long, black coat. His blue eyes were emphasized with the pale blue scarf around his neck, the only colored piece of clothing he was wearing. He wore a white dress shirt and black jeans and boots. He pulled the look off quite well.

"Jason!" Ferdinand called, raising a hand.

A grin curled Jason's lips.

"It's good to see you, Fred. The last time we saw each other was what?"

"Five years ago in Uganda." Fred patted Jason's back before Jason flicked his cigarette onto the ground, crushing it under his heel.

Fred followed Jason into a back room of the studio, his nostrils filling with the chemical smell of the nearby darkroom.

"Did you bring the camera, or just the DVD?" Jason asked, logging in to his computer.

Fred produced a DVD nestled firmly in its case from his coat pocket, setting it on the table with a click.

Jason opened the case, taking the DVD and feeding it to a slot in the tower. After several seconds, the video opened in Windows Media Player.

"I usually like to watch the videos first before I edit them, to see what needs to be done. Is that fine?"

A smirk tugged at Fred's lips.

"I don't mind at all."

XOXO

"Did you like ze movie, Seras?" Pip asked.

"It was… different." Seras replied, grinning.

"Is different good?"

"Different is very good."

A very brief moment of silence passed between them as they walked among the throng of people spilling out of the exit and into the night. Pip lit up a cigarette, inhaling deeply before puffing his cheeks and blowing out a ring of smoke into the air. Seras giggled, her eyes following the curling smoke as it was whisked away by the cold wind.

"I didn't know you could do that."

"I can do a lot of zings, mon ami." He grinned as she took his arm, and they began walking along the street towards Trafalgar Square.

They could already hear the sounds of water being sprayed skywards out of the fountains before splashing back down into the pools underneath before Seras finally spoke.

"Do you have any other plans for this evening?"

"Did you want to so somewhere else after ze movie?" He arched an eyebrow.

They turned a corner and the majestic fountains were brought into full view, the water sparkling in the lights.

"I am a little hungry." She confessed, an embarrassed sort of smile on her face.

Pip grinned.

"I'm sure zere are some open restaurants around here…"

XOXO

Jason wiped the tears from his eyes as he slowly began to settle into amused chuckles.

"What are you planning to do with this video, Fred?" He asked.

Fred shrugged, a grin plastered onto his face.

"I was hoping to sell it on the internet, put a clip of it so people can watch it before they buy it."

"I'm sure there will be many buyers. This is pure comedic _gold_."

Jason opened his video editing program, getting the film ready to be polished to perfection.

"What do you want me to fix?"

"The shaking, the cuts, the blurriness of the girl, the works. Oh, and edit out anything with the label 'Hellsing' on it."

"Some secret business you're working for?" Jason asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"Si."

"I should have the video ready in a couple of days. I'll call you."

"Gracias, Jason."

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Review, please!


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